PsychBytes

A publication of the Washington Baltimore Center for Psychoanalysis

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Thinking about Death?

Judith Viorst
Member, Washington Center for Psychoanalysis
March 2021 (Re-issue from July 2015) | Volume 7 | Issue 9

Thinking much about death these days? I mean your very own death, the one Sigmund Freud maintains we can’t really think about. Because, as he writes, we tend to “put death on one side, to eliminate it from life.” Because “at bottom no one believes in his own death.”

I do, however, and so do many people I know, all of us older or—let’s not mince words—just plain old.

Yes, denial remains a mighty defense against intimations of our own mortality, helping us hold anxiety at bay, and even allow the hope, as one wiseacre put it, that “maybe they’ll make an exception in my case.” And yet, as a subject for books, blogs, movies, television, newspapers and magazines, surely death has never been more popular. And as we learn more about hospice, assisted suicide, dementia provisions and such, we may start taking these matters very personally. We may start trying to figure out how we are going to live, knowing we’ll die.

We’re advised to write a will and to sign all those end-of-life documents. To finish our unfinished business while we can. To tell the people we love how much we love them. To pare the unessential’s from our lives.

But we also need to keep living while we’re still living.

Which means when our bath towels are fraying, buy new ones. Get the kitchen painted if it looks dingy. Sign up for that lecture series a year away.

For though it’s important to live with the knowledge that we could die today, we can also live as if we will have tomorrows.

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On Leaving and Holding

One aspect of Joachim Trier’s 2026, Academy Award-nominated film, Sentimental Value, lingers: the idea that a house can hold memory, and in doing so, remind people of who they are and who they have been. The family home in the film becomes a kind of unconscious structure, a repository for grief, history, and the versions of themselves they could not keep.

I have never had that kind of house.

I have moved every two to four years for as long as I can remember. My life can be mapped through new cupboards and unfamiliar ceilings. I learned early how to fold myself into spaces never meant to hold me for long. Even now, some part of me is already preparing an exit.

WHY MAKE MIRROR ART IN WAR-TORN TEHRAN?

Why does Aref Montazeri, an Iranian sculptor whose art sells for over a million dollars, continue to make his towering works from shards of mirror glass in his studio in Tehran, amid window-shattering bomb blasts? He gently wraps his creations in shock-absorbing material, but why continue with such a fragile medium? In a Wall Street Journal article by Kelly Crow (May 2-3, 2026), he says, “Nothing, not even war, should prevent us from pursuing what we aim for.”

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